She's Gonna Blow! Real Help for Moms Dealing with Anger by Julie Ann Barnhill
My relating to the second chapter Volcanoes 101. Understanding How She Blows
In these chapters she goes on to describe 4 different kinds of volcanoes and comparing them to our momma blow ups or like I like to call them freak out moments. The four volcanoes are The Strombolian, The Hawaiian, The Vulcanian, and The Plinian (I'm not going to go through what she says about them all, only mine again).
And MINE was quit easy for me to identify. I'm in with The Strombolian eruptions or blow ups, whatever you want to call them.
When this volcano "blows" it's eruptions sound a lot like the din of a powerful jet engine at close range, and it spits out volcanic materials such as cinders and thick, pasty lava bombs. But because the eruptions are relatively short and happen at predictable intervals, the Strombolian would seem to be one of the least threatening volcanic eruptions. After all, how much damage can a few cinders do?
So Strombolian eruptions=predictable, short-lived, and seem to blow over with little residual damage. Only not, repeated small eruptions and cinder showers can eventually bring about as much damage as any other kind of eruption.
Once again my heart is left aching and sad, this is who I have become as a mom.
I always feel regret after I do or say things I know I shouldn't to me kids, It's a horrible feeling and it's keep me up many a night (which is what it sounds like it did to her too) .
She gives some hints as to how to short-circuit a volcanic explosion such as concentrating on your physical reactions. Remind yourself to breathe deeply and slowly, concentrating on the flow of air in and out of your lungs. Consciously relax your facial muscles--unclench your jaw and teeth, raise your eyebrows to smooth out your forehead, unpurse your mouth. Deliberately stretch out your hands (which may be clenched into fists) and roll your shoulders to relax your neck. By changing your physical response to anger, you may be able to cool down your emotional response as well.
I have already started using her techniques and have stopped a few explosions. It feels really good to focus your attention on your muscles (it really is helping me to relax).
A quick story, I have battled with depression for a long time and my last doctor (who I totally laughed at (out loud)) suggested that I do yoga cause it would help (you know with the relaxing of my muscles, which could possible help with the depression). My bad, maybe yoga wouldn't be such a bad thing for me after all.
Volcanic eruptions are dangerous! Even the relatively "safe" Strombolian eruptions have the capacity to cause long-lasting harm, and the more violent kinds of explosions can destroy your family. Here are just a few examples of what you can damage with your angry outbursts:
- Your children's sense of security
- Your spouse's trust
- your relationship with God
It doesn't have to be that way so Strombolian moms, we must unite! No more excuses and no more whispered prayers of "please don't let them remember." No more!
I love what she's saying, I love finding peace and comfort and help in her beautiful words and wisdom.
Questions and Answers :/
1. What is your most consistent style of erupting in anger? Does it resemble one of the four volcanoes described here, or would you describe it another way?
I've answered this above, I'm a Strombolian momma, I would have to say the only thing I do that's not described is throw crap but never at my kids.
2. What is your greatest fear concerning your eruptive anger and your children?
I would have to say my kids sense of security, I want them to feel completely safe in my home.
3. Has there been a time when you knew, without a doubt, that your anger was uncontrolled, out of bounds, and potentially harmful to your children?
No. I stick to only yelling at my kids, but I believe (like she said) it's doing more damage then what I actually know.
WOW Volcanoes 101 was a hard chapter for me, but I learned so much about my kids, myself , and my type of anger (explosions). But she gave some great tips to start working on and I've already been able to use them. Please pray for me, I will be praying for myself, bettering myself and focusing on changing my ways. And I will remember to spend time enjoying my kids every day.
I love my kids, and I can be a good mom.